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Jokes
Sept 26, 2005 15:59:29 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Sept 26, 2005 15:59:29 GMT
#laugh# #laugh# #laugh# #laugh#
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BURT
Almost a Player
Big Ugly Round Thing
Carolina Panthers
Posts: 16
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Jokes
Sept 27, 2005 4:46:49 GMT
Post by BURT on Sept 27, 2005 4:46:49 GMT
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account." The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank." The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," the man says. I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my damn money in this damn bank." "I see," says the manager, "and is this *girl dog* giving you a hard time?"
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Jokes
Sept 27, 2005 8:38:56 GMT
Post by specialk on Sept 27, 2005 8:38:56 GMT
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Jokes
Sept 28, 2005 8:05:30 GMT
Post by reg on Sept 28, 2005 8:05:30 GMT
The Six Most Important Men In A Womans Life The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes." The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide." The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?" The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"
The Interior Designer - who tells her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!" The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"
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Jokes
Sept 28, 2005 8:08:36 GMT
Post by reg on Sept 28, 2005 8:08:36 GMT
A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the next Monday. "Downsizing."
He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to figure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill standing at the water cooler. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to be one of them."
He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does. Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He's in a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and Jill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye.
"Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good. Is everything okay?"
He looks at her and says "To be honest, I'm having a tough time here. I can't decide if I should lay you or Jack off."
And she looks at him and says "Well I have to catch a bus, so i suggest you jack off."
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Jokes
Sept 28, 2005 9:58:17 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Sept 28, 2005 9:58:17 GMT
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Jokes
Sept 28, 2005 15:30:07 GMT
Post by specialk on Sept 28, 2005 15:30:07 GMT
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Jokes
Sept 29, 2005 8:18:48 GMT
Post by reg on Sept 29, 2005 8:18:48 GMT
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked,
"What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *not a very nice person*?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
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Jokes
Sept 29, 2005 8:23:43 GMT
Post by specialk on Sept 29, 2005 8:23:43 GMT
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Jokes
Sept 29, 2005 8:58:12 GMT
Post by reg on Sept 29, 2005 8:58:12 GMT
I cant help it if i'm thick I only just found out that Anti Freeze is not a distant relative of mine
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Jokes
Sept 29, 2005 9:08:52 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Sept 29, 2005 9:08:52 GMT
heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm. yes. ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuu**kkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff.
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BURT
Almost a Player
Big Ugly Round Thing
Carolina Panthers
Posts: 16
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Jokes
Sept 30, 2005 4:20:38 GMT
Post by BURT on Sept 30, 2005 4:20:38 GMT
Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My private part died today, and I am very sad." Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences."
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his private part hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.
"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your private part back inside your pajamas."
"But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my private part died."
"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy.
"Well," he replied. "Today's the viewing
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