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Jokes
Sept 3, 2005 12:07:59 GMT
Post by specialk on Sept 3, 2005 12:07:59 GMT
what do you call an Eskimo chav?
It's an innuit innit!
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Jokes
Sept 5, 2005 11:14:17 GMT
Post by Admin on Sept 5, 2005 11:14:17 GMT
Tubby or not Tubby... Fat is the question!
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Jokes
Sept 12, 2005 9:23:14 GMT
Post by reg on Sept 12, 2005 9:23:14 GMT
"I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single?"
I've been married for 49 years. (or it seems like 49 years....) Where have I failed?
I've been in love with the same woman for many years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So what did I do? Bought her an electric chair.
My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, "I" stayed in the bathroom and cried.
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"
My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.
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Jokes
Sept 12, 2005 10:36:50 GMT
Post by happy on Sept 12, 2005 10:36:50 GMT
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Jokes
Sept 14, 2005 11:04:27 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Sept 14, 2005 11:04:27 GMT
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Jokes
Sept 14, 2005 11:09:46 GMT
Post by toasted on Sept 14, 2005 11:09:46 GMT
" Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. hahahahaha
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Jokes
Sept 14, 2005 12:08:20 GMT
Post by specialk on Sept 14, 2005 12:08:20 GMT
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Jokes
Nov 14, 2005 16:40:16 GMT
Post by Dazza on Nov 14, 2005 16:40:16 GMT
Great jokes,, i have some joke's myself but can i post them? some a dirty #nod# #thumb#
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Jokes
Nov 14, 2005 17:12:33 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Nov 14, 2005 17:12:33 GMT
Great jokes,, i have some joke's myself but can i post them? some a dirty #nod# #thumb# use your discretion, but not to rude
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Jokes
Nov 14, 2005 17:57:40 GMT
Post by dazza on Nov 14, 2005 17:57:40 GMT
Three woman were talking about their love lives. The first said. “My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth an sophisticated.” The second woman said, “Mine is like a Porsche; fast and powerful.” The third said, “Mine is like a Morris-Minor. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it’s still going.”
A bloke walks into a bar, and orders 10 shots of vodka, the barman replies “That’s a bit too much isn’t it” the guy replies “I’ve just found out that my brother’s gay.” Barman says “That’s a good enough excuse.” The next day, the same guy comes in and orders 20 shots of vodka, the barman says “What’s happened now?” the guy replies “I’ve just found out that my son’s gay.” Barman says “Ok that’s good enough here you go.” The next day, the same guys walks into the bar and orders 30 shots of vodka, the barman puzzled says “bl**dy hell! Doesn’t anyone in your family like women the man replies “Yeah. My wife does.”
A woman is helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer. She tells him that he will he will now need to choose and enter a password – something he will remember to log on. The husband is in a rather amorous mood and figures he will try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention. So, when the computer asks him to enter a password, he makes it plainly obvious to his wife that he is keying in “willie” …… His wife nearly falls off he chair from laughing when the computer replies:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn’t have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud ; “Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this parrot?” the parrot says, “I was born this way. I’m a defective parrot.” Holy sh*t,” the guy replies. “You actually understood and answered me!” “I got every word,” says the parrot. “I happen to be a highly intelligent, educated bird.” “Oh yeah?”, the guy asks, “Then answer this – how do you hang onto you perch without any feet?” “Well,” the parrot says, “this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap-my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can’t see it because of my feathers.” “Wow” says the guy, “you really can understand and speak english, can’t you?” “Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I’m especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I’d be a great companion.” The guy looks at the £200 price tag. “Sorry, but I just can’t afford that.” “Psssssssst” says the parrot, “I’m defective, so the truth is nobody wants me cause I don’t have any feet. You can probably get me for £20, just make the guy an offer” The guy offers £20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he’s interesting, he’s a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathises, and he’s insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes “Psssssssssssst” and motions him over with one wing “I don’t know if I should tell you this or not, but its about – you wife and the postman.” “What are you talking about?” asks the guy. “When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the front door in a sheer black nighty and kissed him passionatly.” “WHAT???” the guy asks increduluosly. “THEN what happened?” “Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nighty and began petting her all over” reported the parrot, “My God!” he exclaims. “Then what?” “Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and began feeling all over her body – starting with her breasts and slowly going down….” “WELL???” demands the frantic guy, “THEN WHAT HAPPENED?” “d*mned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch.”
#jump# #jump# #jump#
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Jokes
Nov 15, 2005 12:32:55 GMT
Post by specialk on Nov 15, 2005 12:32:55 GMT
;D ;Dlol very funny jokes - bit naughty hahahaha
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Jokes
Nov 15, 2005 20:33:09 GMT
Post by dazza on Nov 15, 2005 20:33:09 GMT
glad u like em #thumb# #thumb#
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