Post by CmonYouSpurs on Feb 15, 2006 22:59:51 GMT
>CLASSIC VERSION:
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
>he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
>Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
>The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the
>cold.
>THE END
>*
>*
>*
>*
>THE BRITISH VERSION:
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
>he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
>winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
>So far, so good, eh?
>The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
>why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less
>fortunate, like him, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to
>provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a
>video of the ant in his comfortable warm home in Hampstead with a table
>laden with food.
>The
>British are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor
>grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
>The Liberal Party, the Respect Party, the Transvestites with Starving
>Babies Party, the Single Lesbian One Eyed Mothers Party and the
>Coalition against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The
>BBC, interrupting a Rastafarian cultural festival special from Grimsby
>with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome."
>Ken Livingstone laments in an interview with Panorama that the ant has
>got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax
>hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share". In response, the
>Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper
>Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
>The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to
>hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay the fine and
>his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by Camden
>Council.
>The
>ant moves to France, and starts a successful AgriBiz company [funded by
>the EU] (although within weeks, his business is threatened with
>compulsory purchase by the state unless he marries a French ant).
>The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of
>the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the
>government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old
>house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.
>Inadequate government funding is blamed, Diane Abbot is appointed to
>head a commission of enquiry that will cost £10,000,000.00.
>The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose; the Guardian blames it
>on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of
>despair arising from social inequity. The abandoned house is taken over
>by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching
>Britain's multicultural diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana
>growing operation and terrorize the community.
>THE END
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
>he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
>Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
>The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the
>cold.
>THE END
>*
>*
>*
>*
>THE BRITISH VERSION:
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
>he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
>winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
>So far, so good, eh?
>The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
>why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less
>fortunate, like him, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to
>provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a
>video of the ant in his comfortable warm home in Hampstead with a table
>laden with food.
>The
>British are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor
>grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
>The Liberal Party, the Respect Party, the Transvestites with Starving
>Babies Party, the Single Lesbian One Eyed Mothers Party and the
>Coalition against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The
>BBC, interrupting a Rastafarian cultural festival special from Grimsby
>with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome."
>Ken Livingstone laments in an interview with Panorama that the ant has
>got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax
>hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share". In response, the
>Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper
>Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
>The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to
>hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay the fine and
>his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by Camden
>Council.
>The
>ant moves to France, and starts a successful AgriBiz company [funded by
>the EU] (although within weeks, his business is threatened with
>compulsory purchase by the state unless he marries a French ant).
>The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of
>the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the
>government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old
>house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.
>Inadequate government funding is blamed, Diane Abbot is appointed to
>head a commission of enquiry that will cost £10,000,000.00.
>The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose; the Guardian blames it
>on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of
>despair arising from social inequity. The abandoned house is taken over
>by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching
>Britain's multicultural diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana
>growing operation and terrorize the community.
>THE END