Women +Wives + Marriage

[CmonYouSpurs]

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.


I don't like to interrupt her.





Marriage is a 3-ring circus:


Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and Suffering.





The last fight was my fault.


My wife asked,"What's on the TV?"


I said, "Dust!"





In the beginning, God created earth and rested.


Then God created man and rested.


Then God created woman.


Since then, neither God nor man has rested.





Why do men die before their wives?


They want to.





A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said
"I haven't eaten anything in four days."


She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your will power."





Do you know the punishment for bigamy?


Two mothers-in-law.





Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"


Dad: "That happens in every country, son."





A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted".


Next day he received a hundred letters.


They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."





First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"


Second guy: "You're real lucky, mine's still alive."





How do most men define marriage?


An expensive way to get laundry done for free.





If you want your wife to listen
and pay undivided attention to every word you say,
talk in your sleep.





A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"


And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying!"


#omg# #roflmao#

[martin]

#roflmao#

not sexist at all then!
#yay# #yay# #yay# #yay# #xmas#

[specialk]

lol all true - so why is it you men tend to keep doing it lol

hmmmmm who are the daft ones here?

[martin]

must be the women for putting up with the men #laugh# #xmas#

[reg]

Hold it right there I'M the boss in our house the wife says I can be

[specialk]

reg said:

Hold it right there I'M the boss in our house the wife says I can be

[martin]

and I'm the boss of ours, (on her days off)!

[CmonYouSpurs]

martin said:

and I'm the boss of ours, (on her days off)!

you give her days off!! ;D

[CmonYouSpurs]

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup, and buys several new outfits to dress up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he. . . . . . . . . Married the one with the largest breasts.

[reg]

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!

There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!