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Jokes
Dec 16, 2005 1:37:22 GMT
Post by specialk on Dec 16, 2005 1:37:22 GMT
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Jokes
Dec 16, 2005 14:55:53 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Dec 16, 2005 14:55:53 GMT
A man has a dog called Minton. Unfortunately, the dog keeps eating shuttlec0cks Bad Minton! #laugh# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao#
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Jokes
Dec 19, 2005 23:33:24 GMT
Post by toasted on Dec 19, 2005 23:33:24 GMT
A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves. The barber, who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes." A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looks up, and wiping the tears from his eyes and says, "Your house."
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Jokes
Dec 20, 2005 9:16:59 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Dec 20, 2005 9:16:59 GMT
A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons.
He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
"WHAT FOR?!?!?" he snapped at the judge.
The Judge, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented: "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The guy replied... "I know - I'm just seeing if I have enough for 2 more words!"
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Jokes
Dec 20, 2005 15:14:35 GMT
Post by baddabing on Dec 20, 2005 15:14:35 GMT
A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves. The barber, who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes." A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looks up, and wiping the tears from his eyes and says, "Your house." #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao#
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Jokes
Dec 20, 2005 15:17:34 GMT
Post by baddabing on Dec 20, 2005 15:17:34 GMT
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...
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Jokes
Dec 20, 2005 15:26:00 GMT
Post by WAR on Dec 20, 2005 15:26:00 GMT
How to Tick People Off
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors." 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO." 4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think." 8. Practice making fax and modem noises. 9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss. 10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." 12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing. 13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. 14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." 16. Staple pages in the middle of the page. 17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. 18. Honk and wave to strangers. 19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register. 20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE. 21. type only in lowercase. 22. dont use any punctuation either 23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times. "DO YOU HEAR THAT?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." 25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. 27. Ask people what gender they are. 28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 30. Sing along at the opera. 31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
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Jokes
Dec 20, 2005 15:55:52 GMT
Post by specialk on Dec 20, 2005 15:55:52 GMT
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Jokes
Dec 20, 2005 15:57:52 GMT
Post by specialk on Dec 20, 2005 15:57:52 GMT
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth... #jump# #jump# #jump# #jump# #jump# #jump# #jump# #jump# lol
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Jokes
Dec 21, 2005 13:03:53 GMT
Post by toasted on Dec 21, 2005 13:03:53 GMT
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth... #roflmao# #roflmao# #drunk#
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Jokes
Dec 21, 2005 13:08:38 GMT
Post by toasted on Dec 21, 2005 13:08:38 GMT
How to Tick People Off 17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. 19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register. Two of my favourite hobbies already #roflmao# #roflmao# #rolleye11# #rolleye11#
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Jokes
Dec 29, 2005 19:34:18 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Dec 29, 2005 19:34:18 GMT
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points."
His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!"
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown, tie score!"
After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"
Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, - "Touchdown, tie score!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says - "Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14!"
Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.
The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"
The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"
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