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Jokes
Feb 7, 2006 16:22:01 GMT
Post by toasted on Feb 7, 2006 16:22:01 GMT
An elephant is drinking out of a river when he spots a turtle asleep on a log.The elephant ambles over and kicks the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river. "Why did you do that?" asks a passing giraffe. "Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 47 years ago." "Wow, what a memory!" says the giraffe. "Yes," says the elephant. "Turtle recall."
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Jokes
Feb 7, 2006 16:35:31 GMT
Post by specialk on Feb 7, 2006 16:35:31 GMT
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Jokes
Feb 7, 2006 20:30:37 GMT
Post by toasted on Feb 7, 2006 20:30:37 GMT
A middle aged man bought a brand new convertible Porsche. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 160 and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair. "This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 km/hr to escape being stopped. Then he thought, What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him. The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver's side. "Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before as to why you were speeding, I'll let you go." The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back."
The Policeman said, "Have a nice day, sir"
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Jokes
Feb 7, 2006 22:22:44 GMT
Post by happy on Feb 7, 2006 22:22:44 GMT
hehehehehehehehehehe ;D
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2006 11:58:07 GMT
Post by baddabing on Feb 8, 2006 11:58:07 GMT
" Lucky Frog "
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears "Ribbit, 9 Iron."
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit, 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away and grabs a 9 iron. Boom!, he hits the ball 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow, that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies, "Ribbit, Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit, 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one!
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man had golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK, where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit, Las Vegas."
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit, Roulette." Upon approaching the Roulette Table, the man asks,"What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit, $3000, black 6." Now this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures, what the heck.
Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me" He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he derseves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 17 year-old-girl. "And that your honor, is how she ended up in my room."
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2006 12:04:37 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Feb 8, 2006 12:04:37 GMT
Johnny’s Been Lucky
Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married.
His parents think this is cute, and they don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him "How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?"
He replies "Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and Dad, we should do o.k."
His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?"
Johnny answers "Well, so far, we've been lucky..."
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2006 12:07:17 GMT
Post by specialk on Feb 8, 2006 12:07:17 GMT
lol hahahahhaa
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2006 12:11:26 GMT
Post by baddabing on Feb 8, 2006 12:11:26 GMT
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Porsche back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, 'I think I can stand over the hole!' So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, 'Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up.' And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks!
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2006 12:13:00 GMT
Post by specialk on Feb 8, 2006 12:13:00 GMT
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2006 12:17:23 GMT
Post by baddabing on Feb 8, 2006 12:17:23 GMT
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2006 12:25:28 GMT
Post by baddabing on Feb 8, 2006 12:25:28 GMT
A man returns from Africa feeling very ill. He visits his doctor, who immediately rushes the guy to the intensive care unit at the local hospital. The man wakes up to the ringing of a telephone and answers it. “We’ve received the results from your tests,” says the doctor on the other end of the line. “Bad news—you have Ebola.” “Oh, my God,” cries the man. “Doc! What am I going to do?” “Don’t worry. First, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes, and pita bread,” says the doctor. “Will that cure me?” “No, but it’s the only food we’ll be able to get under the door.”
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2006 12:30:17 GMT
Post by specialk on Feb 8, 2006 12:30:17 GMT
hjahahahahahah laughing out loud at that one hahahahhaa
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