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Jokes
Feb 26, 2006 17:21:43 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Feb 26, 2006 17:21:43 GMT
A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can't help but wonder why they are chanting "Thirteen!" over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far.
His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside.
He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
#roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao#
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2006 1:54:34 GMT
Post by baddabing on Mar 1, 2006 1:54:34 GMT
POTENTIALLY AND REALITY
A boy has an assignment on "potentially and reality" and asks his dad to help him.
The father agrees to help and tells his son to "Ask his mother whether or not she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds, then ask his sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds".
The boy goes off to see his mother and says " Mum would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds" .. "Oh yes" she replied.
He then asks his sister and she also repiled yes, after which he went back to see his father.
"Dad they both said yes, but what does that prove" said the boy, to which the father replied " Well there you are son, potentially we are sitting on two million pounds, but in reality were living with a couple of slags.."
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2006 2:03:25 GMT
Post by baddabing on Mar 1, 2006 2:03:25 GMT
HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND??
A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the city - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?
"Yes", I was a salesman in the country", said the lad.
The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up".
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?".
"One" said the young salesman.
"Only one" blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth??.
"Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars" said the young man.
"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well", said the salesman "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagon probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Land Cruiser"
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"
"No" answered the salesman. He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, "Sounds like the weekend's a loss, you may as well go fishing".
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2006 16:03:54 GMT
Post by toasted on Mar 1, 2006 16:03:54 GMT
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2006 16:09:32 GMT
Post by toasted on Mar 1, 2006 16:09:32 GMT
A Married couple are driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice: I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce". The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says,"because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55. He pushes his luck. I want the house," he says insistently. Up to 60 "I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!" The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?" The wife at last replies-in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says. Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?" Just before they slam into the wall at 70 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2006 20:39:41 GMT
Post by specialk on Mar 1, 2006 20:39:41 GMT
hahahahaha lol
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2006 20:46:25 GMT
Post by specialk on Mar 1, 2006 20:46:25 GMT
2 tourists were driving through Wales. At Llanhyfryddawelliehynafolybaarcudprindanfygy they stopped to have some lunch. Before he placed his order the guy said to the blonde server can you settle an argument between us? Can you say very slowly the name of the place where we are.
She said of course:
bbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrgggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr kkkkkkkkkiiiiinnnnnggggggggg
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2006 21:41:09 GMT
Post by Bizzie Lizzie on Mar 1, 2006 21:41:09 GMT
God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."
Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"
God said, "Go down into that valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the river."
Adam said, "What's a river?"
God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill."
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."
Adam said, "What's a cave?"
After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first said (under his breath), "Geez!"
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"
And Adam said,
"What's a headache?!
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2006 22:02:07 GMT
Post by toasted on Mar 1, 2006 22:02:07 GMT
Medically speaking,XX is Adam,XY is Eve and YYY Delilah.
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2006 22:11:32 GMT
Post by Bizzie Lizzie on Mar 1, 2006 22:11:32 GMT
Medically speaking,XX is Adam,XY is Eve and YYY Delilah. Groaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnner
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2006 23:32:23 GMT
Post by toasted on Mar 1, 2006 23:32:23 GMT
#rolleye11# ;D
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2006 23:32:59 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Mar 1, 2006 23:32:59 GMT
Medically speaking,XX is Adam,XY is Eve and YYY Delilah.
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