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Jokes
May 24, 2006 12:00:51 GMT
Post by baddabing on May 24, 2006 12:00:51 GMT
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "fire!!" that's a cracker! #roflmao#
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Jokes
May 24, 2006 12:12:26 GMT
Post by reg on May 24, 2006 12:12:26 GMT
A gynaecologist decides that he's had enough of looking up the business end of women and needs a change of career. He decides that he wants to become a mechanic. So the gyno goes down to his local technical college and enrols in an engine mechanics course.
After doing his training he comes to his final exam - to strip and assemble an engine. After completing this the examiner says to him, "Congratulations, you got 150% on the exam."
"150%?" he asks. "How did I get that?"
The examiner replies, "Well you got 50% for disassembling the engine and 50% for putting it back together again. I decided to give you a bonus 50% for doing the whole thing through the exhaust pipe."
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Jokes
May 24, 2006 12:21:52 GMT
Post by baddabing on May 24, 2006 12:21:52 GMT
One day in the jungle, Lizard climbs up a tree and find Monkey sitting on a branch, smoking some weed. Lizard asks him for some but Monkey keeps saying
"No, you're a lightweight, it'll go straight to your head."
But eventually after some pestering, Monkey gives Lizard some of the weed. after smoking for a bit, Lizard starts to get a bit thirsty, being a lightweight and all, so he goes down to the lake to get a drink.
While he's down at the lake, he sees Alligator who asks him where he's been, as he seems a bit high. Lizard tells Alligator he's been up in the tree smoking with Monkey, so Alligator goes up to ask Monkey if he can have any.
So as Monkey's sitting there, high as a kite, waiting for Lizard to get back, he sees Alligator climb up onto the branch.
"bl**dy hell!" yells Monkey, "How much freakin' water did you drink?"
#woohoo7hc# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #woohoo7hc#
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Jokes
May 24, 2006 12:37:49 GMT
Post by wonderwoman on May 24, 2006 12:37:49 GMT
#roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao#
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Jokes
May 24, 2006 12:37:51 GMT
Post by specialk on May 24, 2006 12:37:51 GMT
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Jokes
May 25, 2006 10:07:15 GMT
Post by reg on May 25, 2006 10:07:15 GMT
Impossible to Please A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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Jokes
Jun 22, 2006 10:45:29 GMT
Post by baddabing on Jun 22, 2006 10:45:29 GMT
Three very macho mice are standing around trying to outdo each other. The first mouse says: "You know those little pellets they put out around the house trying to poison us? I love those things. I eat 'em like candy." The second mouse, not to be outdone says: "Oh yeah? Well, you know those mousetraps they put out to try to catch us? What I do is get on the trap, grab the cheese, and then flip over onto my back, and when the steel bar comes swinging down, I grab it and do bench presses with it." The third mouse says: "You guys are really a couple of tough mice, and I'd love to keep hangin' out with you here, but I gotta go screw the cat." #roflmao#
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Jokes
Jun 22, 2006 10:57:39 GMT
Post by specialk on Jun 22, 2006 10:57:39 GMT
#roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao#
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Jokes
Jun 22, 2006 22:22:03 GMT
Post by wonderwoman on Jun 22, 2006 22:22:03 GMT
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!"
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Jokes
Jun 27, 2006 21:03:50 GMT
Post by Bizzie Lizzie on Jun 27, 2006 21:03:50 GMT
Ollie was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars", she whispers. He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides, what the heck, it's only twenty bucks. So they hide in the bushes. They're going at it for a few minutes when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.
"What's going on here people?" asks the police officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," Ollie answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry" says the cop, "I didn't know."
"Well", Ollie replies, "neither did I, until you shined that flashlight in her face."
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Jokes
Jun 27, 2006 21:25:37 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jun 27, 2006 21:25:37 GMT
#laugh# ;D #laugh#
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Jokes
Jun 28, 2006 14:00:22 GMT
Post by specialk on Jun 28, 2006 14:00:22 GMT
#clapping# #clapping# #clapping# #clapping# #clapping# #clapping# #clapping# #clapping# #clapping# #clapping#
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