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Jokes
Jun 28, 2006 14:01:49 GMT
Post by specialk on Jun 28, 2006 14:01:49 GMT
ps I love that smilie
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Jokes
Jun 28, 2006 20:48:52 GMT
Post by wonderwoman on Jun 28, 2006 20:48:52 GMT
A man walks into the sheriff's office... "I want to become a deputy!"
"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.
The poster reads : 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'
"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful yound man.
"Rustling."
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Jokes
Jun 29, 2006 9:12:40 GMT
Post by reg on Jun 29, 2006 9:12:40 GMT
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do...Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'."
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Jokes
Jun 30, 2006 16:33:06 GMT
Post by wonderwoman on Jun 30, 2006 16:33:06 GMT
#roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao#
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Jokes
Jul 3, 2006 9:06:12 GMT
Post by specialk on Jul 3, 2006 9:06:12 GMT
hahahaha should that not be in the bad and corny jokes thread lol
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Jokes
Jul 5, 2006 9:25:28 GMT
Post by reg on Jul 5, 2006 9:25:28 GMT
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, and then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger confronts him and offers him £100,000 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to £250,000 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to £500,000 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere £500,000!"
"Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
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Jokes
Aug 2, 2006 10:45:05 GMT
Post by baddabing on Aug 2, 2006 10:45:05 GMT
This woman goes to her husband. "The car has a flat tyre" she told him. "Does it look like I have 'firestone' written on my head?" he replied. "Ugh" she walked outta the room. The next day when her husband walked in from work she said. "The dish washer is broken." She told him. "Does it look like I have 'whirlpool' written on my forehead?" "Ugh" The next day her husband came home and asked her. "How did u get this stuff done?" "The guy next door told me he'd fix them if I gave him a blow job or if I baked him a cake." "Oh what kinda cake did ya bake him?" he asked her. "Does it look like I have Delia Smith written on my forehead?" #roflmao#
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Jokes
Aug 2, 2006 11:02:48 GMT
Post by specialk on Aug 2, 2006 11:02:48 GMT
#giggle# #giggle# #giggle# #giggle# #giggle# #giggle# #giggle#
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Jokes
Aug 15, 2006 13:23:31 GMT
Post by baddabing on Aug 15, 2006 13:23:31 GMT
AS A WOMAN PASSES HER DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR. SHOCKED, SHE ASKED: "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?"
THE DAUGHTER REPLIED: "MOM, I'M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."
THE NEXT DAY, THE GIRL'S FATHER HEARD THE SAME BUZZ COMING FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR. UPON ENTERING THE ROOM, HE OBSERVED HIS DAUGHTER MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE TO HER VIBRATOR. TO HIS QUERY AS TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING, THE DAUGHTER SAID: "DAD I'M THIRTY-FIVE, UNMARRIED, AND THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."
A COUPLE DAYS LATER, THE WIFE CAME HOME FROM A SHOPPING TRIP, PLACED THE GROCERIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER, AND HEARD THAT BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM, OF ALL PLACES, THE LIVING ROOM. SHE ENTERED THAT AREA AND OBSERVED HER HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH, sipping A COLD BEER, AND STARING AT THE TV. THE VIBRATOR WAS NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY.
THE WIFE ASKED: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
THE HUSBAND REPLIED: "I'M WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH MY SON-IN-LAW." #roflmao#
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Jokes
Aug 17, 2006 10:04:55 GMT
Post by specialk on Aug 17, 2006 10:04:55 GMT
#roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao#
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Jokes
Aug 30, 2006 9:33:06 GMT
Post by reg on Aug 30, 2006 9:33:06 GMT
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."
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Jokes
Aug 30, 2006 22:01:38 GMT
Post by specialk on Aug 30, 2006 22:01:38 GMT
hehehehe I can just picture that happening lol
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