|
Jokes
Sept 13, 2006 13:54:38 GMT
Post by baddabing on Sept 13, 2006 13:54:38 GMT
A young boy comes home from school and his mother says "What did you do today?" To which the boy says "Oh the usual, I had a math test, I got an A in spelling and I had sex with my English teacher." The mother, aghast, doesn't know what to say. She steams and stammers and finally she angrily says "Go in and tell your father what you just told me!" The boy goes into see his father and says "Gee mom sure is mad." The father says "Why?" "I just told her what I did in school today. I had a math test, I got an A in spelling and I had sex with my English teacher." Well the father is beside himself with joy. He give his son a nudge and a wink and says "Congratulations - you passed a milestone. I'll tell you what, let's go out and celebrate. We'll have some ice cream and then I'll buy you a new bike." The boy says - "The ice cream sounds great, but can we hold off on the bike a few days - *my backside* is killing me."
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 25, 2006 9:08:51 GMT
Post by reg on Sept 25, 2006 9:08:51 GMT
This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest asked.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."
"Thank you," said the lady.
The next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes! Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and screams, "Frank! Put the Bibles away--our prayers have been answered!"
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 25, 2006 10:11:25 GMT
Post by specialk on Sept 25, 2006 10:11:25 GMT
#roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao#
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 26, 2006 13:28:20 GMT
Post by reg on Sept 26, 2006 13:28:20 GMT
Desperate for Water
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5. "The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first." "OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me and curse me, I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom. Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back. "Your brother won't let me in without a tie."
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 27, 2006 8:38:51 GMT
Post by specialk on Sept 27, 2006 8:38:51 GMT
hehehehehe very good reg
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 27, 2006 10:09:58 GMT
Post by specialk on Sept 27, 2006 10:09:58 GMT
What is the difference between a *censored*, a nimpho, and a blonde?
The *censored* says, "Aren't you done yet?" , The nimpho says, "Are you done ALREADY?" And the blonde says, "Beige. I think I'll paint the celling beige..."
|
|
|
Jokes
Oct 2, 2006 10:20:59 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Oct 2, 2006 10:20:59 GMT
not beige again
|
|
|
Jokes
Oct 2, 2006 11:02:32 GMT
Post by specialk on Oct 2, 2006 11:02:32 GMT
not beige again personally I thought magnolia was better
|
|
|
Jokes
Oct 3, 2006 8:40:43 GMT
Post by specialk on Oct 3, 2006 8:40:43 GMT
Free drinks for everyone One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no drink for me?" replies the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."
|
|
|
Jokes
Oct 11, 2006 11:38:22 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Oct 11, 2006 11:38:22 GMT
#roflmao# #roflmao# #beerchug#
|
|
|
Jokes
Oct 12, 2006 12:03:04 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Oct 12, 2006 12:03:04 GMT
It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.
He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does It still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every sc*ap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "Because the Indians are collecting firewood like crazy!"
|
|
|
Jokes
Oct 12, 2006 12:08:01 GMT
Post by specialk on Oct 12, 2006 12:08:01 GMT
#roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao#
|
|