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Post by baddabing on Oct 16, 2006 16:34:17 GMT
A Plane was flying through the jungle when suddenly the engine stalled. The pilot ejected and drifted gently down to land. Unfortunately he landed in a large cooking pot which was gently simmering over a low fire. All the local tribesmen turned to look at him until the chief, blinking in disbelief asked, "What's this flier doing in my soup?"
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Post by baddabing on Oct 19, 2006 10:01:46 GMT
The Shark and prawn joke...... Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..." As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod fish appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old buddy. Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old buddies simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a *manhood*tail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn *manhood*tail - it's much worse). Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old buddy. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home,distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again. Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked. " Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed"...(wait for it) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...."I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again Christian"
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Post by specialk on Oct 19, 2006 10:27:01 GMT
that is one of my all time fav jokes - it gets lots of laughs and groans hehehehee
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Post by baddabing on Oct 19, 2006 13:22:46 GMT
There are two legionnaires in the desert, and they've been separated from their unit and are lost. They've been wandering for several days without food and water, and are nearly resigned to the fact that they will soon die from dehydration, when as they reach the top of a sand dune, they see a big, bustling market laid out before them. Naturally, they can't believe their eyes and think it's a mirage, but as they draw closer, they can hear the stallholders' cries, and they eventually reach the market and realise that it's really there. So the legionnaires rush up to the first stall they can and cry to the stallholder, "Stallholder, we have been travelling in the desert for many days, and have had no food or water. We shall surely die soon unless you have some you can sell us - tell us, do you have any sustenance for us?" The stallholder shook his head and replied "I'm sorry, French legionnaire type people, but all I have to sell is a load of bowls full of jelly, topped with custard and cream, and lovingly sprinkled with hundreds and thousands." The legionnaires look at each other, mildly surprised, and move on to the next stall, where they ask the stallholder, "Mr purveyor of fine foodstuffs and the like, we have been travelling through the desert for days, deprived of the necessary beverages and foodstuffs which are required for survival. We shall surely die soon, unless you can sell us some skins of water." The stallholder looked at them embarrassed, and confessed "Gentlemen, tragic as I admit it is, I have none of the ingredients necessary to life for which you ask me... all I have to sell is this large bowl of jelly topped with custard and cream and sprinkled with hundreds and thousands, with a little *manhood*tail cherry in the middle at the top - there," he said, pointing out the glace cherry. "I cannot help you..." The legionnaires look at each other in desperation, and run on to the next stall, where they demand of the stallholder, "Look mate, we need water or we'll die. We've been travelling without water for days and need some now, Do you have any you can sell us?" The stallholder looked at his curl-ended shoes in shame as he confessed, "Sorry, fellas, all I have to sell you is a bowl of jelly, with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands. I can't help you. I'll have to condemn you to a long and lingering death through dehydration." The legionnaires were really worried by this point, and they went through the market, stall by stall, asking each stallholder whether they had any water they could sell them, and thus save their lives, but each stallholder gave the same reply, all they had to sell was a bowl of jelly with cream, custard and hundreds and thousands. Dejected and resigned to their grim fate, the legionnaires left the desert market and walked off into the setting sun. As they did so, one turned to the other, and said, "That was really odd - a big market in the middle of nowhere, and all they sold was bowls of jelly with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands." The other turned to face his companion and replied.... "Yes, it was a trifle bazaar..."
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Post by reg on Oct 19, 2006 13:32:37 GMT
The 7 Dwarves are standing outside a convent. Then Happy goes and knocks on the door. A nun answers and says "Can I help you, my child?" Happy says "Are there any 3 foot nuns in this convent?" The nun is puzzled, and says "No, there are no 3 foot nuns in this convent." Happy thinks for a minute, and then says "Are there any 3 foot nuns in this city?" The nun says "No, there are no 3 foot nuns in this city." So Happy leaves and forms a huddle with the rest of the dwarves. Then a few minutes later, Doc leaves the huddle and goes and knocks on the door. The same nun answers and says "What now?" Doc says, "Ok, are there any 3 foot nuns in this state?" The nun says "No! There are no 3 foot nuns!" Doc thinks, and then says "Are there any 3 foot nuns in this country?" The nun is starting to get mad, and says "NO! THERE ARE NO 3 FOOT NUNS!" So Doc leaves and returns to the huddle. A few minutes later, Sleepy goes and knocks on the door. The same nun answers. Sleepy says "Are there any 3 foot nuns on this continent?" The nun says "NO!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU??? THERE ARE NO 3 FOOT NUNS!!" Sleepy says "Are there any 3 foot nuns anywhere in the world?" The nun says "NO!!" and slams the door in this face. Sleepy returns to the huddle, then a few minutes later, all the dwarves start running around laughing and chanting "DOPEY SCREWED A PENGUIN! DOPEY SCREWED A PENGUIN!"
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Post by specialk on Oct 19, 2006 13:41:13 GMT
grrrrrooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnn
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Post by reg on Oct 19, 2006 13:51:41 GMT
A nut named Hazel held up a bank saying 'give me all the cashew have'.
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Post by baddabing on Oct 19, 2006 13:54:55 GMT
The 7 Dwarves are standing outside a convent. Then Happy goes and knocks on the door. A nun answers and says "Can I help you, my child?" Happy says "Are there any 3 foot nuns in this convent?" The nun is puzzled, and says "No, there are no 3 foot nuns in this convent." Happy thinks for a minute, and then says "Are there any 3 foot nuns in this city?" The nun says "No, there are no 3 foot nuns in this city." So Happy leaves and forms a huddle with the rest of the dwarves. Then a few minutes later, Doc leaves the huddle and goes and knocks on the door. The same nun answers and says "What now?" Doc says, "Ok, are there any 3 foot nuns in this state?" The nun says "No! There are no 3 foot nuns!" Doc thinks, and then says "Are there any 3 foot nuns in this country?" The nun is starting to get mad, and says "NO! THERE ARE NO 3 FOOT NUNS!" So Doc leaves and returns to the huddle. A few minutes later, Sleepy goes and knocks on the door. The same nun answers. Sleepy says "Are there any 3 foot nuns on this continent?" The nun says "NO!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU??? THERE ARE NO 3 FOOT NUNS!!" Sleepy says "Are there any 3 foot nuns anywhere in the world?" The nun says "NO!!" and slams the door in this face. Sleepy returns to the huddle, then a few minutes later, all the dwarves start running around laughing and chanting "DOPEY SCREWED A PENGUIN! DOPEY SCREWED A PENGUIN!" ......at least he pulled! #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao#
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Post by baddabing on Oct 19, 2006 13:56:36 GMT
A nut named Hazel held up a bank saying 'give me all the cashew have'. 2 peanuts walk into a rave a dealer comes up and asks if they want any E's one of the peanuts replies... nah thanks mate we're salted
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Post by reg on Oct 19, 2006 14:13:48 GMT
My mates Dyslexic you know He went into a warehouse looking for a woman
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Post by baddabing on Oct 19, 2006 14:16:24 GMT
My mates Dyslexic you know He went into a warehouse looking for a woman #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes. "I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man. "O.K." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!" A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip. Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid. "Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen. "Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!" The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry. "I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling. "Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show. That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais. With mild green, hairy lip squid!"
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martin
Minor Meet God
Christmas comes early
Secret Spurs Fan
Posts: 871
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Post by martin on Oct 19, 2006 17:26:18 GMT
#roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao#
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