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Jokes
Nov 29, 2006 9:01:40 GMT
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Nov 29, 2006 9:01:40 GMT
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32", the clerk replies. "I'm actually 47," the woman says happily. A little while later, she goes into McDonald's, and upon getting her order, asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, "I'd quess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47." Now she is feeling really good about herself. While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is starting to go. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands up your shirt and feel your boobs. Then I can tell exactly how old you are." They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman, and she finally said, "What the hell, go ahead." The old man slips both hands up her shirt, under her bra, and begins to feel around. After a couple of minutes, she says, "Okay, okay, how old am I?" He removes his hands and says, "You are 47." Stunned, the woman says, "That is amazing! How did you know?" The old man replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's." did she have filllet 'o' fish ;D
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Jokes
Nov 29, 2006 11:31:20 GMT
Post by reg on Nov 29, 2006 11:31:20 GMT
No m8 they had sold out so he got shell fish I think Crabs
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Jokes
Dec 15, 2006 9:11:56 GMT
Post by big sheep on Dec 15, 2006 9:11:56 GMT
Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days.
They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses, and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not"changing his mind. So, . .
Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news . . . there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have bad news and more bad news. The first was . . . there "is" a God. The second was that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First . . . God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. Second . . . you don't have to fix the bugs in Windows 98.
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Jokes
Dec 15, 2006 11:49:53 GMT
Post by reg on Dec 15, 2006 11:49:53 GMT
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?"
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
"We just love the chocolate around them."
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martin
Minor Meet God
Christmas comes early
Secret Spurs Fan
Posts: 871
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Jokes
Dec 16, 2006 19:53:57 GMT
Post by martin on Dec 16, 2006 19:53:57 GMT
#eek# #jaw-dropping# #pukey#
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Jokes
Dec 17, 2006 9:57:48 GMT
Post by specialk on Dec 17, 2006 9:57:48 GMT
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
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Jokes
Dec 19, 2006 10:31:07 GMT
Post by reg on Dec 19, 2006 10:31:07 GMT
Female to Male Translation What a woman says: "This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up, Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do laundry right now!?"
What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
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Jokes
Dec 19, 2006 12:43:50 GMT
Post by specialk on Dec 19, 2006 12:43:50 GMT
#roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao# #roflmao#
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martin
Minor Meet God
Christmas comes early
Secret Spurs Fan
Posts: 871
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Jokes
Dec 20, 2006 23:14:40 GMT
Post by martin on Dec 20, 2006 23:14:40 GMT
#biggrinangelA#
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Jokes
Jan 10, 2007 12:38:32 GMT
Post by reg on Jan 10, 2007 12:38:32 GMT
Benjy and Hannah are in bed watching, ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ when Benjy turns to Hannah and says, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answers. "Is that your final answer?" asks Benjy. "Yes," replies Hannah. "Then I'd like to phone a friend," says Benjy.
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Jokes
Jan 10, 2007 12:40:31 GMT
Post by specialk on Jan 10, 2007 12:40:31 GMT
Benjy and Hannah are in bed watching, ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ when Benjy turns to Hannah and says, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answers. "Is that your final answer?" asks Benjy. "Yes," replies Hannah. "Then I'd like to phone a friend," says Benjy. lol very funny
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Jokes
Jan 11, 2007 10:37:39 GMT
Post by reg on Jan 11, 2007 10:37:39 GMT
Immediately following his expensive private operation, Victor awakes and sees his surgeon standing near his bed. He says to the surgeon, "Well, how did it go then?" "Victor," replies the surgeon, "I have some good news and some bad news for you. The good news is that we were able to save your testicles." "Good," says Victor, "and what’s the bad news?" "They’re under your pillow in a plastic bag," replies the surgeon.
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